Poverty Princess on the Definitive Albums of the ***Noughtie$***

The Holy Quaternary of Albums

Definition of Quaternity, plural Quaternities:  a union of a group or set of four

I realise Trinity sounds so much better but I couldn’t leave one out.



  1. Good Girl Gone Bad – Rihanna

Good Girl Gone Bad took Rihanna from R&B Pop Princess to fully fledged mainstream Queen. Umbrella was the definitive song of 2007. Your parents were sick to death of hearing it and your grandparents blamed Rihanna for ‘one of the wettest summers’ they’d ever seen. I was obsessed with this album. Rihanna released 5 singles from it and then rereleased the whole album as Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded with three new singles. I’ve never felt anticipation stronger than when I was waiting for the music video to Disturbia

The tour for this album was my first ever concert. I took my friend as an apology for putting her in a neck brace in Italy, after an unfortunate accident in a toboggan. It was amazing. The concert. Not the neck brace casualty.

Rehab is in my Top 10 Rihanna songs. There’s no better song to listen to when you’re having a cigarette in the rain, feeling dramatic and considering quitting.

Breakin’ Dishes is also one of the most underrated Rihanna songs of all time & would be my go to in a lip sync for my life.


  1. Blackout – Britney Spears

It’s Britney Bitch may be the most iconic quote of the noughties. Blackout was released on my birthday and brought out a side in me that I thought only existed in strippers. 2007 was an absolutely dire year for Britney; divorce, head-shaving, custody battle, hospitalization, pink wigs, no knicker parties with Hilton and Lohan and an awful British Accent. Her performance with an umbrella almost eclipsed Rihanna’s. Yet Blackout is probably one of her pivotal, most consistent albums.

Blackout was fun, sexy and her retaliation to the media and it’s treatment of her over the years. The whole theme fit in perfectly with the car-crash that was her life at the time.

I will never get over the time I shuffled my iPod and Break the Ice came on straight after Katy Perry’s Ur So Gay:


“…It’s been a while.”

I was 13 and immature and laughed for days.

Unfortunately, Britney was in no fit state to tour Blackout but 2 years later my poor father drove me, and my now neck brace-free friend, all the way to London for the greatest comeback tour the world of Pop has ever seen: The Circus.

Throughout the tour, in true Britney style, she greeted Manchester by telling them ‘I’m so excited to be here in London’, forgot to turn her microphone off and announced to the audience that ‘MY PUSSY IS HANGING OUT” and had her extensions ragged out when they got caught in a couch as she was being levitated by a sex swing.



  1. The Fame – Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga came out of nowhere and The Fame changed the Pop game forever. It was before she wore the meat dress, before she hatched out of that bloody egg and before the Fame became the Fame Monster. The controversy became too much and her shock value was destroyed to the point that people would have been more shocked had she came out wearing some high waist skinnies and a GAP jumper.

However, The Fame will forever be in the cannon of Pop Culture, as will Gaga herself. The Fame was hands down one of the greatest pop debut albums of all time. She brought disco stick into our vocabulary and made us look at that Bernard Matthews turkey ham in the fridge in a very different way.

I bought tickets to see the Pussycat Dolls when their star was beyond fading and they now featured Nicole Scherzinger, simply because Gaga was supporting. My companion was an hour late with the tickets and I only saw the very end of Just Dance. I knew I should have gone with neck brace.


  1. I Am Sasha Fierce – Beyoncé

Without Sasha, Smashton Fierce would never exist. Words will never do this album justice. Sasha Fierce cemented Beyoncés icon status. I’mma let ya’ll finish but Beyoncé had the most memorable album of all time, well definitely of the Noughties. I’m yet to see Sasha in the flesh. I don’t think I’m ready for that jelly and tbh don’t think I ever will be. I literally will die (play Save the Hero at my funeral or someone’s getting Haunted).

This album speaks for itself so I don’t have to, after all she is Sasha Fierce and I am a mere mortal.


& The Best Live Performance Goes To…


No words necessary. Just look at Rihanna’s reaction.

xXx_P0vErTy_PrInCe$$_0N_N0UgHtiE$ _***DiVaZ***_🎶_KwL_😜_R0Fl_xXx

The 90s were incredible. Britney Spears debuted her first album, The Spice Girls were formed and a Sabrina the Teenage Witch was everything. You know who doesn’t get enough credit? The Noughties. The Pussycat Dolls had us loosening up the buttons on our denim mini-skirts whilst listening to their songs, downloaded using Limewire, on our Motorola flip phones. Beyoncé went solo, Island girl Rihanna migrated to America and Britney …. well we all know what Britney did. Given a toss-up between spending an eternity in either decade, I honestly don’t know which one I’d choose. Who am I kidding? The Simple life gave me life and Paris Hilton released a single in the noughties. I know exactly which one I’d choose. I cannot wait to order a cheap, synesthetic blonde wig, oversized sunglasses and a fake Louis V for my Paris Costume for the 00s party I’m attending this February.

Here’s a playlist of Divas to enjoy at your very own Noughtie’s inspired slumber party, get the Bacardi Breezers in girls, because you’re worth it.

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  1. Oops!…I Did It Again – Britney Spears



The hardest decision of my life was choosing between this & Lucky as the opening act.

Nostalgia Power: 10/10

  1. Don’t Let Me Get Me – P!nk


P!nk taught all 90s babies the meaning of teenage angst before they even knew what hormones were. She gave us the perfect outlet for raging at our mum for not getting us the LG chocolate for Christmas.

Nostalgia Power: 6.5/10


  1. Love Don’t Cost A Thing – Jennifer Lopez


Jenny from the Block was representing big booties before Kimmy K was even organising Paris’ wardrobe.

Nostalgia Power: 4/10


  1. Dirrty – Christina Aguilera


If your parents caught you dancing to Christina with your Ethel Austin’s knickers pulled up above your ripped jeans then you weren’t allowed to play out for like a week.

Nostalgia Power: 9/10


  1. All The Things She Said – t.A.T.u


“Mum, what’s a lesbian?”

My favourite song of all time.

Fond memories of my friend CWR texting the DJ at the silent disco in Leeds, “t.A.T.u please.”  “t.A.T.u and I’ll show my tits.” “ t.A.T.u or I’ll bomb.” “ WHY YOU NO LIKE RUSSIAN LESBIANS.”

Also screaming at a girl friend in the toilet at a party that she didn’t have time to wipe because I could hear the intro coming from the DJ booth.

Nostalgia Power: 10/10 (If you disagree, you’re lying)


  1. Sk8er Boi – Avril Lavgine


Most Noughties song title of all time.

Nostalgia Power: 7.5


  1. Wake Up – Hilary Duff


I’m with her.

Nostalgia Power: 7


  1. Sound Of The Underground – Girls Aloud


No wet-play at Primary School was complete without a Girls Aloud dance routine for the Dinner ladies.

Nostalgia Power: 6/10


  1. Superstar – Jamelia



Anthem of every school disco.

Nostalgia Power: 10


  1. Baby Boy – Beyoncé



Dutty Wining since ’03.

Nostalgia Power: 7.5

  1. Milkshake – Kelis


Grab a McDonalds Banana shake and shake those hips.

Nostalgia Power: 10/10

  1. (There’s Gotta Be) More To Life – Stacie Orrico



If you don’t remember this one don’t ever return to this site again.

Nostalgia Power: 6.5


  1. Pieces Of Me – Ashlee Simpson



Perfect for sitting next to the landline all day, every day.

Nostalgia Power: 7


  1. These Words – Natasha Bedingfield



Every day I pray for the words ‘Natasha Bedingfield is making a comeback”.

Nostalgia Power: 10


  1. You Had Me – Joss Stone



Back in the days when Joss’ man was her biggest concern, not whether her head was going to remain firmly on her shoulders or not.

Nostalgia Power: 5


  1. Dip It Low – Christina Milian


Christina Milian, the most underappreciated Diva of all time. She is the Mulan of the music industry. If this playlist was in order of Banger Power rather than chronological, Dip It Low would be #1.

Nostalgia Power: 10


  1. Leave (Get Out) – JoJo



JoJo, Feminist OG.

Nostalgia Power: 10


  1. What You Waiting For? – Gwen Stefani


“Mum, what’s a stupid ho?”

Nostalgia Power: 7


  1. Push The Button – Sugababes



Getting in a lift/elevator was never the same again.

Nostalgia Power: 9


  1. Buttons – The Pussycat Dolls (not feat. Nicole Scherzinger at this point, officialy)



Inventors of the slut drop.

Nostalgia Power: 10


  1. Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson



Kelly Clarkson was very nearly the first concert I ever went to, only I couldn’t find a companion. Shocking.

Nostalgia Power: 7

  1. 4ever – The Veronicas



Listening to this on The Waltzers was my dream thanks to She’s The Man. Still dreaming.

Nostalgia Power: 6


  1. 1 Thing – Amerie


Still trying to master that Turkey Gargle.

Nostalgia Power: 9

  1. Me & U – Cassie


Cassie come back! This would be #2 in Banger Power order. Timeless.

Nostalgia Power: 10


  1. We Belong Together – Mariah Carey



Wentworth Miller’s appearance in the music video had my new found hormones all over the place.

Nostalgia Power: 7


  1. Glamorous – Fergie



The perfect word to describe how you felt with your quiff up, hoops in, listening to your iPod Nano on the bus.

Nostalgia Power: 9


  1. Promiscuous – Nelly Furtado



#3 Banger Power.

Nostalgia Power: 10


  1. Hips Don’t Lie – Shakira



Released around the time I was obsessed with tampon humour and took ‘I’m on tonight, my hip’s don’t lie’ a literal too literal.

Nostalgia Power: 10

  1. Come Back To Me – Vanessa Hudgens



Maybe if Baby V hadn’t tarnished her squeaky-clean Disney image, I really think she could have outshone Miley.

Nostalgia Power: 4

  1. Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father) – Lindsay Lohan


Lindsay got deep with her daddy issues and expressed her pain through her music, rather than cocaine consumption on credit. That was the latter part of the noughties.

Nostalgia Power: 5


  1. Stars Are Blind – Paris Hilton



When Paris wasn’t at work selling Salty Anal Weiner Burgers on the Simple Life, she was dropping bangers like this.  This would have gone to #1 if it wasn’t Paris. People need to leave rich, white women alone.

Nostalgia Power: 9


  1. Headstrong – Ashley Tisdale


Ashley Tisdale walking the red carpet in a dress and jeans combo has still got me feeling something to this day. Get you a girl who can do both OG.

Nostalgia Power: 6

  1. Potential Breakup Song – Aly &AJ



Aly and AJ inspired us all to send that ‘You’re jibbed’ text. Which one is Aly? Which one is AJ? Who cares? I didn’t know then and I don’t know now. But there’s no denying that this is an absolute tune.

Nostalgia Power: 8.5

  1. What Hurts The Most – Cascada


Choosing a Cascada song was like Sophie’s Choice but this one hits you right in the feels.

Nostalgia Power: 5

  1. Umbrella – Rihanna



Umbrella was #1 for about 2/3s of 2007.

Nostalgia Power: 10

  1. I Kissed A Girl – Katy Perry



Sales of cherry chap sticks rocketed.

Nostalgia Power: 8.5

  1. Just Dance – Lady Gaga




Nostalgia Power: 9

  1. In For The Kill – La Roux



I really appreciated La Roux’s first album. I did not appreciate people teling me I looked like her.

Nostalgia Power: 7


  1. Party In The USA – Miley Cyrus


Back when Miley was still Hannah Montana and posing topless beneath a sheet was her biggest controversy. Oh and some pretty racist Myspace pics.

Nostalgia Power: 8

  1. Tik Tok – Ke$ha



Fun Fact: Before Ke$ha, I actually didn’t know who Mick Jagger was.

2016 has been awful for Ke$ha, I hope 2017 treats her good.

Nostalgia Power: 10

 Always remember, Pop music saves lives & Bill Clinton did not have sexual relations with that woman.


Smashton Fierce