Poverty Princess on the Definitive Albums of the ***Noughtie$***

The Holy Quaternary of Albums

Definition of Quaternity, plural Quaternities:  a union of a group or set of four

I realise Trinity sounds so much better but I couldn’t leave one out.

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  1. Good Girl Gone Bad – Rihanna

Good Girl Gone Bad took Rihanna from R&B Pop Princess to fully fledged mainstream Queen. Umbrella was the definitive song of 2007. Your parents were sick to death of hearing it and your grandparents blamed Rihanna for ‘one of the wettest summers’ they’d ever seen. I was obsessed with this album. Rihanna released 5 singles from it and then rereleased the whole album as Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded with three new singles. I’ve never felt anticipation stronger than when I was waiting for the music video to Disturbia

The tour for this album was my first ever concert. I took my friend as an apology for putting her in a neck brace in Italy, after an unfortunate accident in a toboggan. It was amazing. The concert. Not the neck brace casualty.

Rehab is in my Top 10 Rihanna songs. There’s no better song to listen to when you’re having a cigarette in the rain, feeling dramatic and considering quitting.

Breakin’ Dishes is also one of the most underrated Rihanna songs of all time & would be my go to in a lip sync for my life.

 

  1. Blackout – Britney Spears

It’s Britney Bitch may be the most iconic quote of the noughties. Blackout was released on my birthday and brought out a side in me that I thought only existed in strippers. 2007 was an absolutely dire year for Britney; divorce, head-shaving, custody battle, hospitalization, pink wigs, no knicker parties with Hilton and Lohan and an awful British Accent. Her performance with an umbrella almost eclipsed Rihanna’s. Yet Blackout is probably one of her pivotal, most consistent albums.

Blackout was fun, sexy and her retaliation to the media and it’s treatment of her over the years. The whole theme fit in perfectly with the car-crash that was her life at the time.

I will never get over the time I shuffled my iPod and Break the Ice came on straight after Katy Perry’s Ur So Gay:

“PENIS.”

“…It’s been a while.”

I was 13 and immature and laughed for days.

Unfortunately, Britney was in no fit state to tour Blackout but 2 years later my poor father drove me, and my now neck brace-free friend, all the way to London for the greatest comeback tour the world of Pop has ever seen: The Circus.

Throughout the tour, in true Britney style, she greeted Manchester by telling them ‘I’m so excited to be here in London’, forgot to turn her microphone off and announced to the audience that ‘MY PUSSY IS HANGING OUT” and had her extensions ragged out when they got caught in a couch as she was being levitated by a sex swing.

QUEEN.

 

  1. The Fame – Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga came out of nowhere and The Fame changed the Pop game forever. It was before she wore the meat dress, before she hatched out of that bloody egg and before the Fame became the Fame Monster. The controversy became too much and her shock value was destroyed to the point that people would have been more shocked had she came out wearing some high waist skinnies and a GAP jumper.

However, The Fame will forever be in the cannon of Pop Culture, as will Gaga herself. The Fame was hands down one of the greatest pop debut albums of all time. She brought disco stick into our vocabulary and made us look at that Bernard Matthews turkey ham in the fridge in a very different way.

I bought tickets to see the Pussycat Dolls when their star was beyond fading and they now featured Nicole Scherzinger, simply because Gaga was supporting. My companion was an hour late with the tickets and I only saw the very end of Just Dance. I knew I should have gone with neck brace.

 

  1. I Am Sasha Fierce – Beyoncé

Without Sasha, Smashton Fierce would never exist. Words will never do this album justice. Sasha Fierce cemented Beyoncés icon status. I’mma let ya’ll finish but Beyoncé had the most memorable album of all time, well definitely of the Noughties. I’m yet to see Sasha in the flesh. I don’t think I’m ready for that jelly and tbh don’t think I ever will be. I literally will die (play Save the Hero at my funeral or someone’s getting Haunted).

This album speaks for itself so I don’t have to, after all she is Sasha Fierce and I am a mere mortal.

 

& The Best Live Performance Goes To…

 

No words necessary. Just look at Rihanna’s reaction.

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