Poverty Princess VS Censorship

I recently wrote my first paid piece of work. I received an e-mail from my creative writing tutor asking if anyone would be interested in a ‘Paid Writing Opportunity’, the word ‘paid’ is like heroin to a Poverty Princess. I barely read the brief as I was already mentally spending, but understood enough to know it was for the University Prospectus, had to be related to studying in Liverpool & I would be paid for 8 hours worth of work. Some lil nasties had already snatched up the articles on where to eat and drink (Krunchy Fried Chicken & Sound Bar – duh, I would have done that one for free) and where to shop as a student. The only other option left was how to live cheap in Liverpool.

I looked to the Gods’, like Britney at the VMAs circa 2008. I am cheap personified, in more ways than one. Scrap that, I’ve reclaimed my good clean Christian boy values now that I’m focusing on my studies, I just love a bargain. I spent the next hour and a half writing something fun, fabulous and full of Lambrini. Or so it was. Upon receiving the edited copy back you can imagine my horror to see almost every trace of the perfectly, posh perry had been removed!

Censorship is a bitch. Fair enough, I may have graduated from Lambrini Royalty to a Prosecco Princess in recent years, but Lambrini has been so iconic to me. I’ve never related to a drink more, it’s part of my roots. I felt personally victimised. Until now. Guess I’m just gonna have to leak the original.

Stay equal parts classy & trashy my friends…

…& never forget – Live, Laugh, Love, Lambrini.

How to Live in Liverpool

Welcome to Liverpool boys and girls, lads and huns. My name is Michael and I’m a fresher. Liverpool born and raised. I’m currently studying Psychology and Creative writing and I’m going to be your tour guide for this article. I’m going to use my newly developed Psychology skills to read your mind – are you by any chance considering studying at a University in Liverpool? Yes? Amazing – is that not proof enough that the teaching here is out of this world? If you’re not quite sold yet then I’m sure I can think of a few more reasons before you pack your bags and call yourself a Delta.

First of all, Liverpool is home to some of the chattiest, friendliest, politest people in the world. If you thank the bus driver when you get off the bus or tip your waiter, then you will fit right in. Fair enough you’re considering becoming a student which means you’re not going to have a lot of disposable income after paying out for your textbooks and vodka but good manners are free and an important currency as any here. Student life and budgeting can seem pretty daunting but if there’s anywhere to have fun on a budget it’s Liverpool.

My main criteria when looking at prospective universities was that there had to be at least one Home and Bargain accessible by public transport – my sincerest apologies to London who fell at the first hurdle. If you’re from down south or even a potential international student, then let me introduce you to your new best friend. Home and Bargain, – actually called Home Bargains but us Scousers have a tendency to rename their favourite shops e,g, The Asda. It is what a student’s dreams are made of. Go in with a tenner, come out with three bags full of toiletries, food and a whole load of stuff you never knew you needed until you saw the price tag. Everyone loves a bargain. They also take well known products, add their own spin and make it half the price – who needs Oreos when you’ve got Borneos.

Style and appearance is as important to most Scousers as manners. Looking good can come at price but here in Liverpool where there’s a Hairdressers and beauty salon on every corner you’re bound to find somewhere within your price range. Competitive pricing means that most places have mid-week offers and even the chains such as Voodou strike up a pretty good deal for students. If you’re looking for some new products to maintain you’re fab, fresh curly-blow then you know where to go – who need’s Elnett hairspray when you can pop on down to Home and Bargain and get a 450ml can of Insette Extra Hold for less than a pound! Come on girls say it with me – because we’re worth it. Plus Insette is produced in Halewood, Liverpool so you’ll be supporting local business, earning good karma which will lead to you getting a first in your degree. DISCLAIMER – you may have to study a little too.

Talking of Halewood another student necessity is produced there – alcohol. Kiss goodbye to Smirnofff Vodka and Echo Falls Rosé and open your arms to Glens vodka and Lambrini. Let’s face it all vodka is the devil and no matter what you’re going to end up in Nabzys crying into your red-salted chips after a heavy pre drinking session. So why not save yourself the pennies and grab yourself a Glen’s rather than a Smirnoff. Lambrini has got a pretty bad rep but forget what you know – the cherry one in particular goes down a treat. Thanks to its vibrant colouring it also works as a lip tint that lasts all night long, and half the morning after. Supposedly Blondes have more fun, but you know who has more? Lambrini girls. Live, Laugh, Love, Lambrini – that’s my motto.

So you’re all dressed up, your hair isn’t going to move for the next 24 hours and you’ve poured yourself a nice glass of Lambrini, but where are you going to go? There is always something going on in Liverpool, not just the amazing night life but we also get some pretty amazing events here. My personal favourite was when Shia LaBeouf brought his touch my soul exhibition to FACT art gallery/cinema last December. It was free entry to hang out in the same room as the guy who saved the world from the Deceptions – what more could you want? Giant puppets roaming the streets? We get them. Live music festivals? We get several – Creamfields and Liverpool International Music Festival to name a few.

So If I haven’t managed to persuade you yet I’m going to try one last tactic – shameless name dropping. Now I’m sure you all know this but where was the greatest band in the history of music formed? Liverpool. Need I remind you of their name? Atomic Kitten.

See you in September.


A Quick guide to Liverpool Language

Huns – Honey/Girl/Female Friend.
Delta – Local taxi firm.
Home and Bargain – Heaven.
Scousers – The greatest people you’ll ever meet.
Fab – Fabulous/AMAZING
Curly-blow – A curly blow dry.
Nabzys – Fast Food heaven.
Lambrini – Perfectly Posh Perry
Creamfields – The greatest place for people watching whilst listening to live music – trust me it attracts absolute characters.

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